Elena’s first birthday brought more tears than laughter for this mother. Much like the day of her birth one year ago, there was no time for fanfare. There was simply a red and white checkered ladybug dress and cupcakes to match. A small homage in honor of the only “bug” in the world I love; our “Laney Bug.”
Her daddy and I knew the moment she was born that regardless of if there will be any more children for our family or not, she will always be “the baby.”
When she entered the world, things were a little dark for our family. Daddy was on the computer writing his thesis right up until mama was ready to push. We didn’t know where we would live, when daddy would graduate or if there would be a job for him.
“Every baby is born with a loaf of bread under their arm” the old saying goes, and our Laney was no exception. Her birth was the first in a domino effect of things falling into place for our family.
Over the first year of her life, she has gifted me with a new motherhood role – that of mothering a child with health concerns. The experience has been quite different than being the wife of a man with health concerns. It has been hard, brought many tears and sleepless nights. It has also taught me to love in the moment and to examine the evil that breads in fear and anxiety. She has reminded me that no moment of life is too small to celebrate.
She’s only now able to eat and she isn’t able to support her weight on her little LDS legs (YET!)
She is a strong one though, and with her carries the brightest light. She is my beacon, and I am blessed and so very humbled to share that for this year at least, I am her brightest light. Yes, we’re got a mama’s gal on our hands, and I am delighted.
Her presence in our home over the past year has been a conduit of only good and holy things. I’ve fallen deeper in love with her daddy and her sisters as I witness what is good in them spark alive with love for her, the smallest member of this family.
Her eyes are bright and reflective. Her laugh is reserved only for when it has true meaning. We prayed and prayed for her. It was suggested to us by several people during our discernment that we conceive her in a lab instead of in our marriage. The LDS gene could have been taken out, and she could have been made a he – since we don’t have one of those around here.
How blessed we’ve been by deciding to trust that our family would be given what was perfect for us. We were given another girl, one that does have LDS. And we smile with the knowledge that we were given God’s perfection.
One day just wasn’t enough to celebrate the perfect gift that is you, Laney Bug. There wasn’t a party, but there were tears of happiness, thankfulness and mourning of the passage of time – a reminder that we can’t control the life God has created for us. There were those lady bug cupcakes, and that little red and white checkered lady bug dress which you wore for three days. Daddy washed it twice because mama couldn’t bear to take you out of it, or for the birthday weekend to end too soon.
My dreams for you are big, sweat Laney Bug. You’ve taught me so much over this past year. I know someday you’ll be called to touch others in a big way, so for now I’ll snuggle you and save you for our little family here. On this birthday you want only to be held and snuggled and to blow raspberries on your sisters’ bellies.
On this birthday we celebrate your good health, your gentle temperament and the possibility your life holds.
Happy first birthday, Laney Bug!